What It Takes To Be A Man

I just read a post on Facebook that at once made me angry and...well, freaking annoyed. I wanted to respond to the post, but I held back. I just unfriended the creep. It usually takes a lot to make me unfriend someone. This particular status update not only rubbed me the wrong way, it just got my Irish up and hit a sore spot with me. It was posted by a minister! A minister for crying out loud! What was this awful post? Well, be forewarned, not everyone will agree with me. Some people may see things my way...the right way...and get angry. While others...the pathetic result of an overly PC society...might agree with the guy who made the post. Personally, I found it repulsive. I guess I'm a bit old fashioned.

He stated that any Dads of daughters who thought it was cute to try to intimidate his sons before a date better be prepared for him to come over to their house. He said that if they could intimidate his sons, they better be prepared for him to do the same to their daughters.

What a jerk!

First off, is that the kind of men this minister is raising? The kind who think it's fine for a man to intimidate a woman? Tit for Tat? Look at the big man scaring a girl. Are we so backward in this world that we no longer see the differences between men and women?

Look, my husband and I are raising our son to be a gentleman. We are teaching him that chivalry still matters. We are teaching him that as a man he should be willing to stand up to scrutiny and have his honor tested. I have no problem with any Dad of any daughter he dates giving him the third degree or laying a little intimidation down. My son will be man enough to take it, and he will be honorable enough that the Dad in question will know my son will treat his daughter with respect, kindness, and integrity.

It made me think of that fiasco last month with that Italian cruise ship. How the captain abandoned the ship. One of our local news outlets asked if the old "women and children first" rule was outdated. I was shocked at how many men and women alike said it was. There were women who stated that their son's life is as valuable as a woman's and a lot of men stating how they would make sure they got saved. How disgusting that we live in an "every man for himself" world where no one is willing to put others ahead of themselves. How gross.

I thought the whole point of that rule was that children be gotten to safety, and usually they would need their mothers with them. Someone would need to take care of the children. That being said, I do believe that if a woman is healthy, she should be willing to put herself aside for those who are smaller, weaker, or disabled. I don't believe that a woman's life is more valuable than a man's. But what kind of strong and healthy man would put himself ahead of others...especially children? That's not the kind of man I want to know.

It just seems to me that there is a distinct lack of honor and strength these days.

Oh, I know the REAL men are still around. There are still heroes.They are out there everyday, putting themselves in harms way on the battlefields and in the patrol cars...men and women alike who know the definition of honor and sacrifice. I am not trying to state that all men are wimps who use feminism as an excuse to be a coward. I do believe there are good men and woman who are strong and full of great character.

We are teaching our son that the true measure of a man is found in his heart and his character. He doesn't have to be tall, strong, wealthy, or successful by world standards to be a great man. He must have integrity, honor, and courtesy. My son will NEVER be the sort who would intimidate a woman, nor will he be the sort to wither under the scrutiny and stare of a protective daddy. He won't need to wither, because he will stand the test.

My husband is a REAL man. He is kindhearted. He has never tried to intimidate me or any other woman. He walks in strength and doesn't feel the need to lord that over his family or anyone else.

 He has no qualms about questioning the intentions of a boy who dates his daughters. He is polite, but he is also direct. It's not about intimidation. It's about laying down the rules of what behavior he will and will not accept from a young man. I am not condoning a parent acting like a bully. However, if a Dad wants to clean his rifle when my son picks up his daughter, my son better have the smarts to respect the man and his child.

Do I really, really care if you disagree with me? Nope. The weak and pathetic have become the norm today. I know there are still some out there with a shred of intelligence and decency still in them who are raising their sons the same way I am raising mine. What kind of military would we have if every man raised his sons the way that joker is talking? A bunch of wussies who might cry if someone looks at them wrong. Please!

Yes, I know I am overreacting a bit...well, maybe a lot. This kind of stuff just gets my Irish up. I am still old fashioned enough to believe that a man should stand tall and do the right thing. I don't think threatening to "intimidate" girls is right or honorable. Period.

I May Be Just Who I am, But HE is I Am That I Am!

Me and my family in Eureka Springs 

I am who I am. I'm a bit on the nerdy side, and I'm all right with that. I'm quite a bit overweight. I'm not so okay with that. I love books.  I have since I was very young. I love the sound of fingers typing on a keyboard. I find it exciting. Yes. I am really that nerdy. I love music, and my tastes are all over the board eclectic. I like everything from rap to country to old time rock...but I prefer worship over all of the above.

I adore my family, and I try to be what they need.

I have a temper. I don't know if it's my Irish blood, my hill folk heritage, or my trailer park upbringing, but if something sets me off, the explosion can be pretty loud. I'm not saying that's a right way to behave. It's not. It's a work of the flesh and ungodly. It's an area where the Holy Spirit is still growing and changing me.

I am SUPER proud of my family. My children are a gift from God, and I don't know how I ever lived before them. Of course I had to live before...anyway. Sometimes I think I expect too much from my kids. That's yet another area that I take to the Lord. That and the nagging fear that I could be failing them or holding them back...or just not measuring up as a mom and wife.

The truth is that I could sit here and list a lot of areas where I need to improve. The fact is that I am who I am.  At least for the moment. See, the areas where I can't change on my own  or the places where I might fail and even the parts of myself I'm happy with (the spots where I think I have it together)...I give to Jesus. I give all of me to Jesus.

I am WHO I am, and I will never be anymore than that without His help. I am fully dependent on the Lord. I can do nothing on my own. In Him I live, and move, and have my being (Acts 17:28).

It's so reassuring to know that where I am WHO  (or what) I am, He  Is "I Am THAT I Am (Ex. 3:14)". HE is the self-sufficient one. There is none like Him!! He NEVER changes, but He is the only one who can change me. He needs no one to sustain Him, yet He is my portion. No one can stand next to Him. He has no equal. Yet, He's my shield.

He is I AM! I  am so very grateful and glad that I call Him LORD!

I dreamed last night that I escaped into the heating and air duct of a large building to get away from an exploding room. Why you ask was the room exploding? Because two security bad guys  threw bombs into the room then locked me in to protect the secrets I had just uncovered in said room.

It's a good thing it was a dream. I mean, first, I doubt there would have been enough time to even get the panel off of the duct before the explosion. Second, what if in real life the panel was like the ones in my apartment? About the size of a piece of paper from a legal pad. Third, would that even work? I mean, would the explosion stay in the room or would it follow a person into the duct? Also, I'm a big girl. I've really put on the poundage since my youngest child was born 6 years ago. I would have gotten stuck in there like those idiots who try to climb down chimneys either because they want to rob the place or they forgot their house key. Yes, I actually read recently where some man forgot his house key and tried to get into his house by climbing down his chimney. He got stuck and had to be rescued.

I guess it's a good thing you don't have to do research for a dream. You just take them as they are. For instance, I came out of the ducts right into a huge family reunion. I got caught between two relatives who don't get along. I was terrified there would be a fight and was praying they would be civil.

Yes, boys and girls, I can handle homicidal security guards, lethal explosions, and confined places. However, the very thought of fighting relatives fills my heart with fear and dread.

Don' you wish your dreams were as exciting as mine? My real life adventure last night wasn't nearly so novel. It consisted of discussing which brand of toilet paper was best with an employee at Wal-Mart. I told her my husband likes Scott best. It's just soft enough and lasts longer than any other brand we've tried. Right now it is in sale, so it's also the cheapest. It's on "roll back."

Yes, my life is exciting.

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Crazy People and Kids Who Live With Them

He had a Kool-Aid stain on his T-shirt. That's the second thing I noticed about the guy who rang my doorbell last night looking for his grandchildren. The first thing that registered with me was intelligent blue eyes and neat gray hair. I think that is why my eyes kept being drawn to the Kool-Aid stain. His attire of stained tee and checkered shorts didn't seem to line up with his articulate and charming manner.

He thanked us for keeping his two small grandchildren last evening after their mother was taken away in an ambulance. We were happy to help. Michael (the 4 yr old who I had mistakenly called Matthew for a good hour when I first met him) kept saying, "My Mama is gonna be just fine. She's gonna be just fine." His sister, tiny and beautiful 6 yr old Amber, was a bit harder to understand. She has a speech impediment, so I called her Emma for the first hour. I have no excuse beyond my own hearing for calling Michael by the wrong name.

I felt so badly for the babies.

I had went to play rehearsal at church yesterday afternoon. I wanted to stay for service, but Shawn has been hurting worse than usual lately. I knew that if I had taken the kids with me to rehearsal and stayed for church, he would have tagged along no matter how badly he was hurting. So, I had left the kids with him during rehearsal and decided not to attend the service. I know I seriously missed out on a good one, too.

On my way home I saw a Mustang in the ditch on the side of the road. The emergency lights were blinking, and I noticed three people walking up the road. It was a family. Mom, Dad, and 5 yr old boy. They were trying to walk to the nearest gas station...which seemed to me to be a long ways away. I picked them up and drove them. Now, normally I don't pick up strangers. I would dare say that I would not have picked them up if they had not had the little boy with them. It's not that I don't care, but we live in dangerous times. I knew I was taking a chance even with them having a kid. However, I felt that giving them a ride was the right thing to do. I would sure want someone to help me, and indeed there have been times when strangers went out of their way to give me a hand.

So, I get home, and my husband meets me at the van. He tells me that our neighbor across the way has collapsed. Her direct neighbor, an Arkansas Highway Patrol Officer, is with her. He is keeping an eye on her until the ambulance gets there. Her children are running around the court yard. The 4 yr old boy, who I later learn is Michael, has on wet shorts. I have to run to get him out of the street once and then continue to keep telling him not to go to the parking lot. The little girl, Amber, is running and playing. Their mom is propped up against the wall just inside her front door.

I go over and let her know who I am and ask if she needs anything. I let the our Patrol Officer neighbor know that if he needs me for anything to just let me know. I have to get in my own home to get dinner going. I found out that she called her boyfriend (not the kid's dad and not her husband...just some guy she lives with) to let him know what happened. Only, this guy is not leaving work. He has no intentions of coming home. The EMT's get there and decide she needs to go to the hospital. We still don't know what is going on. Is it diabetes? Is it anything to do with blood sugar? Who knows? They wheel her out and ask if I would care for the children because there is no one to leave them with.

I say yes. Sure. Anything to help. I bring them inside after I watch the officer close up the lady's apartment. The first thing I do is find some of Ben's old clothes to change the wet boy. I take his soiled clothes (no underwear by the way, just a pair of shorts) and put them in a plastic bag. I get him some clean undies and a pair of jeans that fit him perfectly. Only, now my kid's bathroom is stinking something fierce. The poor little guy has on no socks. His feet are black and smelly from sweating in shoes with no socks. I don't understand parents who let their kids run around like that.

After I got him taken care of, I looked out and noticed their front door was open. Now I saw the officer close it up, so I was wondering who was over there. My husband was gone to the store to get some butter, so I called my older girl (9 yr old, Riley) to keep an eye on the kids for a minute and stay out of the kitchen. I  jogged over to their apt. just as the lady's boyfriend came out the door. Come to find out, my husband had went to the guy's job and told him there was an ambulance at his house. There were two little kids with no care giver there for them, and he was going to man up and take care of his responsibilities. He told the guy he was coming home. Period.

Well, the guy gave me some song and dance about how they weren't his kids. How he had a huge fight with the lady that day and she had beat him up. How he had tried to get her to eat all day and she refused. He said he was so upset he walked to work, and he got threatened that he might get fired for being late. Now that he had to leave work to deal with this, he just knew she was going to get him fired. I got the feeling he was never even going to let me know he was there. I think he was going to just go back to work and not even look for those babies. I could be wrong, but that is the feeling I got.

He was saying he was going to have to take the kids to work with him. The guy works at our town McDonald's. How did he think he was going to work around grease and fryers with little kids in tow? Stupid. I decided to keep them home with me. Around this time, Shawn got back. When he found out I was going to watch them he got annoyed. He was not upset we were keeping the kids. He was angry this guy was shirking his duties. I told him I didn't trust the guy to care for them.

On a side note, I HATE the McDonald's here in my town. It is filthy. It has horrible service. My kids saw a lady go to the restroom and then go back to work without washing her hands. That was the LAST time we were customers there. Then last night when my husband went and told this guy there was an emergency some other manager or supervisor up there was in the background smarting off how she was leaving at 8 pm and he better not leave...blah, blah, blah. What a piece of work. Such a lowlife. I am not a fan of that place.
I will say this also. If that guy gets fired, it won't be because he was late once or had an emergency and had to leave work. Life doesn't generally work like that. I am sure if they are so quick to threaten firing, it will be after lots of experience of bad work from this guy.

The funny thing is that this guy is twice my husband's size, but my husband brought his butt home. Of course the guy left again, but he told me he would get a hold of the woman's parents to come get the kids.

So, there were were. We fed all the kids dinner and put in a video for them to watch. It was playing in the background while all the kids played with toys. These two children were no trouble at all. They were well-behaved. They were polite. Sweet. I sure felt badly that they had to go through this. Not just being worried about their mom. The fact that these "adults" had had a physical fight in front of them earlier in the day. The fact that this guy was so stupid and uncaring that he couldn't be bothered to leave his stupid job to come care for them. The fact that neither had any problem leaving the most precious things in their pathetic lives to complete strangers.

I talked to Shawn and told him I felt like we needed to notify authorities. I think that someone needs to know what went on. I am not convinced that this lady didn't do the whole thing on purpose to get attention. If she has blood sugar issues, it is her own fault she refused to eat (according to the bf). And I tend to think it was partly as "woe is me" scenario.

Shawn had just dialed his Dad's number (who is a foster parent here in Arkansas) to ask who we should call, when our doorbell rang. I opened the door to find a charming older gentleman who was looking for his grandchildren. We spoke for a little bit. He said he thinks they will be able to bring their daughter home. I still don't know what was wrong with her. He told us that the kids have been through a lot. The little girl had come home from a visit with their father with a big bruise on her face. He piped up and told me she got to have an x-ray. This sweetie pie is 6 years old, but she is tiny. Everything about her is tiny. The thought of someone hitting her little face is just horrible. He told us that Child Protective Services are already investigating the father over suspected abuse.

Now, I am wondering if they will also investigate the mother and the arrangements there. I sure hope so. I am very concerned for them. Please keep these kids in your prayers. If they have a good mom, and the bf is full of it, I hope that comes out. But if they are no better off with her than with their dad, I pray they get put with people who will care for them and love them. We are not going to just forget and ignore. I believe that someone should look into that situation.

Meeting the Grandfather made us feel a little bit better, but still, something odd is going on. Of course, we would not want to say awful things about people with no proof. We would not want to assume the worst, but I think we saw a lot of red flags. I believe abusive people are like cock roaches. If you see one or two roaches, you can bet thousands more scurry for cover when the lights come on and hide in the walls out of sight. If people will show you dirty laundry like we saw last night, can we be sure they are being honest and that they are telling everything? Do we want to take that chance? If they will show that much (and that is plenty of cause for concern), how much more are they hiding?

There are way too many creeps calling themselves Mommy and Daddy in this world.

One More Thing That Will Keep Me From Writing...If I Let It!

So. I had never heard of Spotify before I happened to see a post on facebook about it. Now, I admit that I have been known to spend too much time on Playlist.com. However, it wasn't a constant thing. Well...I am now officially hooked on Spotify. I've made half a dozen playlists in the last day. It is so user-friendly and seems to have...well, any track you could possibly want to hear!!

 Who knew that Scott Grimes was such a great singer?? Do you remember him? Cute red-headed child actor from the 80's? He's awesome. I love his song Livin' On The Run. And Hide is great too. I am seriously digging this guy. He has a sort of Bryan Adams meets Rick Springfield kind of sound. Love him.

Well, as great as Spotify is...and it is...I see how it can be yet one more time-sucker. I already spend too much time on Facebook and blogger. Although, my time here is not as much writing my own blog as reading other blogs. I don't know what I am so afraid of. It's getting to the point that a blank screen or sheet of paper just terrifies me. And so one more day passes without writing a word.

I know one thing is for sure. If I don't put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard with focus every day, I am an idiot and a loser. Christmas is coming. Ereaders are now under a hundred bucks. It is time!! If ever there was a time to get all the stories and people and visions in my head into book and short stories, it is NOW! I have so many people with all of their baggage and challenges wandering around in my head, it is almost as though I have this whole alternate family up there in my brain. And just like my flesh and blood family, it takes all kinds. They are all different and quirky in their own ways. I have the overachievers and the slackers. I have the heroes and the villains. I think we all have the potential to be any of them depending not only on our own choices but also on the cards that life deals us.

I just want to make sense of them. I want to paint them with truth and boldness. I want to make you see them...really know them. Maybe that is what is so scary. I am afraid that I won't do them justice.

I must fish or cut bait. I will definitely have my Spotify playlists on while I type. I can't think of a better way to daydream than to music.

Seriously, I am loving me some Scott Grimes!!

Exhausted and Hoping

I started a new job about a week ago. On one hand, I am excited and grateful. My family needs that extra money. It just is what it is. I am like everyone else just trying to make a way for me and my family. On the other hand, it's a big adjustment. I have to get up between 5 and 5:30 in the morning. I am seriously not used to that. I have to focus on my work and pretty much nothing else for 8 hours a day. That's hard. But you do what you have to do. I like the job. It's not glamorous, but it is a good fit for my skill set.

I am learning how to manage my time better. There is so much I want to do that I don't know how to make time for. I still want to write. I still want to learn more about the Bible and how to study it. I have thought long and hard about taking some Bible school classes. No time for that now. I don't know how or if I will find time to write. I want to lose 60 lbs. I need to make time to exercise. I just don't know how I will fit any of that in. I just stay tired.

I do have something I think will be a lot of fun coming up. I am going to be a part of my church's Christmas production this year. I am looking forward to that. I am glad to have something I can look forward to.

I pray my husband's doctor will get his pain under control. It is wicked and destructive to his life and our whole family. It's rough.

But I know this. I know God has us firmly in His hands. He has ordered our steps and He is good and faithful!!! So, life is pretty good all in all. It's got its trials and its difficulties, but that is all part of being human.

Mid-Summer News

This summer is flying by. June was fun and busy, but July has  been boring. It's been too hot to do much of anything, and we have been too broke to go hunting for fun activities. The kids are pretty good about not whining too much. Summer is not over. There is plenty of time to find some fun and educational adventures to get caught up in.

Today is Ben's birthday. He turns 6. He is my baby. My daughter, Riley, had her birthday in May, and Shelby celebrated her 7th birthday in June. We have one more birthday to celebrate this summer. Our oldest girl, Grace, turns 15 in August. There is a lot to celebrate in the summer time. I am just grateful that Ben got to celebrate his big day at home and not in the hospital.

Yesterday we were out running errands in Searcy (Arkansas) when Riley started whining that she had to use the restroom. Ben was heading into the men's room when he slipped in a puddle of water in the hallway of the restaurant where we had stopped to let them go. Man! That kid's feet went over his head, and he knocked his head on the tile floor...HARD! He started screaming and crying. He had a huge goose egg on the back of his head. I felt better about that, because I had heard before that if there is swelling on the outside of the head it means there is probably no swelling on the inside of the head. Good news, right?

I told him to look at me so I could take a gander at his pupils. It really seemed like one of his pupils was reacting faster than the other one. That startled me. We jumped back in the van and ran to the closest medical facility. It was an urgent care center close to the restaurant. I thought the place was to be used as overflow or an alternative to the emergency room. They refused to see him. For one thing my husband was not with us, and he had the his social security card in his wallet. For another thing they called his primary care doctor, and they told us to bring him over there. My husband, Shawn, was at an appointment. We were supposed to pick him up, so I had to interrupt his appointment to tell him Ben had an accident.

At this point Ben is just not acting like himself. He is crying that his head hurts and just acting lethargic. We get to his Dr's office, and are made to wait. And wait. The whole time I am thinking that if there really is something serious with his head, they sure don't seem to care. They finally take us back only to make us wait some more. Ben just leaning against me telling me he is tired and that his stomach hurts. The Dr comes in and looks him over. He seems pretty concerned. He said Ben really whacked his head hard and he thinks he needs a CT scan. He said the last time it happened the kid had fractured his skull. Not exactly a comforting thought.

They told us to take Ben to the hospital a couple of blocks over and go through admissions. They said they would be expecting us. Shawn doesn't handle this kind of thing very well. At this point he is being very vocal to pretty much everyone that he is angry we are waiting and no one is making sure Ben is alright. I am going back and forth between thinking he is fine because his eyes actually look normal now and he has not passed out or anything close and being afraid because he is acting so sleepy and keeps complaining he feels sick. I am not a doctor. I don't know how much is normal and what we should be concerned about. No one is telling us anything because no one seems to care enough to actually look at him.

We waited quite awhile before they took us to admissions. They had not received the orders for the CT scan. They called while I was there and was told they were faxed over. They told the clinic to fax them again. The whole time my son is laying in my lap like he can't sit up straight. He tells us he is going to throw up. So the admissions clerk hands me a trash can, and my son starts vomiting into it. So, he is crying and puking and scaring the snot out of me, and the admissions clerk only cares if our phone number is correct in the system.Shawn and I both wanted to scream at someone. We didn't. We were polite, but we were being treated like we were just stupid.

Finally, they took us up to X-ray for the CT scan. Still no orders. We were told to sit and wait. We kept having to wake Ben as he kept dozing off. He did not throw up again. Thank God. Finally, the orders came in and they took him back for his first ever CT scan. I am 38, and although I have had an MRI on my brain, I have never had a CT scan. He was a trooper. We waited a little bit longer for the results. The nurse (I guess she was a nurse. I am not sure) came back and told us that his results were fine and we could go home. We were relieved, but still didn't understand why Ben was acting so strangely.

Let me tell you, the exact minute that nurse told us he was alright, Ben perked up and started acting like himself again. It was startling and downright embarrassing. I discovered something about my son that I did not know before. He is very much like his maternal Grandmother. He is astonishingly like my mother. The moment he thinks he might be hurt he goes into stress and fear mode. He starts exhibiting the symptoms...until a Dr. tells him he is alright. Then all stress and anxiety leaves and so do the symptoms. In short, I think my boy is a bit of a hypochondriac. I think he is vulnerable to suggestion. The fact that Shawn and I were concerned about him being sleepy made him more sleepy. The fact that we asked if he felt queasy...he started feeling queasy just from asking him once...until he made himself ill.

We are just grateful he is alright. The goose egg went down over night, and he is very much himself today. In fact, he just came in the room to ask me when I was going to start on his birthday cheesecake. He wants cheesecake instead of chocolate cake. He also requested rainbow sherbet instead of ice cream this year. He sure is a great boy, and we are so humbled and grateful to be assigned as his parents. We learned not to ask him leading questions when he is hurt because he will take on the symptoms. Oops.

Here is just a funny side note. On the way to Searcy yesterday I was teasing with Ben. I told him, "You sure are a handsome fellow. I feel sorry for all those teen girls when you get to be a teenager, because they are all going to want to date you because you are sooooo handsome." I was playing around with my boy. Well, without missing a beat, he replies, "I know it. Even my dentist in Cabot is already in love with me. She tells me all the time." Well, now. Maybe I should scale back the teasing. Don't want some guy with the big head walking around the house. ;-)

Amazon is a trip!

Well, I noticed on Smashwords that my short story, Shattering Inside, was sampled often, but no one was buying. I had sold a few on Kindle (a few in the US and a few in the UK), but neither of my stories is doing great. I decided to just make the Shattering story free. I kept The Prisoner at $.99. I set it to free on Smashwords and Kindle followed suit. I was actually considering taking Shattering Inside down completely. I am still considering changing The Prisoner's title and cover art (and the description), and I am also considering another revision. We'll see.

Well, the other day I had a lady at church come up to me out of the blue and tell me that she had gotten both stories and really enjoyed them. I appreciated that. The way I figure it, if she had really hated the stories she would have just kept the news to herself. You know, she didn't have to go out of her way to tell me she had bought the stories and liked them both. So, I thought I might keep them up awhile longer.

Then something interesting happened. I checked my stats and Shattering Inside had been downloaded over 800 times in a day. As of this afternoon it has been downloaded over 2000 times. It was ranked at #130 in the entire Free Kindle Store last Thursday (that ranking has dropped off a lot since), and even today it was still ranked at #9 in the Kindle Short Fiction category.  It got up to #13 in the Kindle Contemporary Fiction category.  Someone also reviewed the story. The person gave the story 4 stars and wrote a nice review. They pointed out some issues with the story that I totally agree with. Maybe I should rewrite that one too. Not sure.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting. I was selling one here and two there before. Now it is free and the numbers are climbing. I would love to actually make a living with my writing. But I must admit it still feels kind of nice that people are reading my work and enjoying it.

But the question begs an answer: Can you have a "bestseller" if the product is free?? As of right now, I am ranked #9 in the Kindle Bestseller Short Fiction category. For free ebooks. And overall, I still think that is pretty cool.